my dilemma.

It's all so comfortable by now. The 15 kids, the coals
burning red, the attention starved dog, the never-ending jabber, the
mats spread out, Mounden saying he's hungry still, and the metal bed
springs that we love to lay on. There are a million inside jokes
that I have with only this African family. A hundred wonderful
memories that no one else was there for except them. Last night I
just took time to watch. I watched as everyone teased Dinga (13) of
stealing Jolie's silky night-gown, as Jolie made Aaron (7) cry by
telling him he couldn't sit next to her because his legs were "white
with dirt", as Esther sang "My head, my shoulders, my knees and my
toes," but kept getting her anatomy all wrong. I died laughing when
Izeedor chomped on a rock in the rice and everyone pointed to Esther
because she was the one who hadn't prepared it well! Jolie told me
that Alex had called her that day and told her that he didn't like me
anymore and that I shouldn't come back to America. :) "Urra Americ
di, Emily" You're not going to America, Emily. Tony piped up that
Jolie was a liar and that Alex didn't call her. Thank-you Tony. I'd
be in tears if it weren't for him. :) Soon things quieted down and
the littlest kids were sprawled out on the mats, tugging at the
shared covers in their sleep. Goma, an irresistable two year old,
started crying after Pabris pulled all the covers off of him. I
reached one hand down to him and he reached two up to me. I pulled
him up to my lap and in five seconds he was asleep again.
Ongen (Goma's mother-Jolie's sister) decided to go home and
so Merci, Esther and I said we would walk her home. What a nice
African tradition. As we walked, I taught them to say, "Why are you
laughing?" But they kept mispronouncing and instead saying something
more like, "Where is the bathroom." So I just taught them that
instead. So here are these three Africans saying, "Where is the
bathroom??" as we walk through the village. I just couldn't help but
laugh. Then they started saying, "The bathroom is THAT way!" which
they learned thanks to Nathaniel who was the SM English teacher from
Denmark a few months ago. They say it with his British accent which
added even more flavor and fun to this moment.
We got to Ongen's house and were met by her husband. We had
some fun conversation on the bench outside and then said we were
heading home. He said to wait a minute. He disappeared into his
house for quite a long time. I said, "Esther, should we go?" She,
knowingly said, "No, wait just a bit." Soon he came out and said he
would walk us out. (I had almost fallen in a big hole thanks to my
awful yellow tinted pen-light and the girls had kindly made like
three jokes about me falling within our ten minute visit.) We walked
out and when we got to the end of his path (path not driveway mind
you) he gave each of us a 100 franc coin (20 cents) and told us to go
get tea with it! I felt like my grandpa had just given me spending
money in the 1920's. As soon as we got a little way down the road,
Esther and Merci both held up their coins and broke into excited
laughter! "We have money!" Their excitement was totally contagious
and I caught it in a flash. We all started jumping and running down
the road with our little coins! I've never been so excited about twenty cents!
We got back home and rubbed it in Dinga's face that because
she was lazy and didn't walk Ongen home with us that she was 100
francs poorer. :) Then it was time to get all the kids into the hut
to sleep. They HATE getting moved after they have already fallen
asleep outside. But nonetheless, they'll get eaten by the mosquitos
if they don't go in. So, Esther goes around shaking all of them
telling them to go inside. She thoroughly enjoys it I can
tell. Everyone is whining and complaining and as she pulls them up
to their feet by the arm, they just fall back down, followed by more
whining. :) I picked up Aaron and hauled him in, laid him on the
mat and then went back for Armelle.

What will I do when I have to leave them? Can you see my dilemma?

At moments I'm stressed beyond belief and want nothing more
than to be far far away from here, and at other seconds in time I
can't imagine that day I get on the plane. So life goes. The
thing that will tip the scale is the fact that MY family is waiting
for me at home. Oh I can't wait to see them. I am still just
throwing thanks to all of you for helping me come here. What a gift
you have given to me. Love Emily